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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Dolly Dagger's LiveJournal:
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|Saturday, January 28th, 2012|
I've wanted to type about this for so long now, but I hadn't found the time and to be perfectly honest, I've been much more interested in living my life than typing about it. But I'm holed-up in a hotel in Orange, Texas now, waiting for my man to come back from working at the Valero refinery, so I suppose this is as good a time as any.
I am so incredibly in love, and in this moment, I couldn't be happier. I still fear the unknown, not the future, but the possibility that something could go horribly wrong, like Derek could be killed on the job because it's that dangerous. But finally, I am head-over-heels in love with this man. I have been for months, but I've been afraid to discuss it and jinx my luck, or fate, or blessing. But that's exactly it, I feel so incredibly blessed. I have the most amazing people in my life. I have the best family, friends, and co-workers that a girl could ask for. And now I have this wonderful boyfriend to throw into the equation.
Our relationship hasn't exactly been easy. Derek's got quite the story and it made my friends and family wonder what I was doing with this guy in the beginning. But he has become everything I didn't know I wanted. Our sexual chemistry is the most intense and passionate I have yet to experience with another person, and our connection is so incredibly special to me. Our bodies fit so perfectly wrapped around each other and the best place I have found in all the world is being held in his arms.
We've been apart for five weeks now and I finally had the opportunity to come visit him by a strange twist of fate. I've needed to see him, needed to see his smile that brightens a room like the sun bursting through clouds. I've needed to feel his body lying in bed next to mine and see his eyes twinkle when he looks at me, like I'm the only thing in the world that matters. I feel so deeply for him that I'm starting to cry as I write this. I knew I missed him very much, but I didn't realize it was this much. I need to live in the moment now and enjoy every second I get to spend with him and not dread tomorrow afternoon when I have to go back to Indiana and be away from him again. I just hope our next visit will be soon, and that the next few months pass quickly so this job will end and he will be back in my bed full-time.
I just love him so much and I'm so happy I can be here now. Life is beautiful.
|Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011|
"Take heart; I have overcome the world."
|Thursday, December 21st, 2006|
On the twelfth day of Christmas, marilynmichelle
sent to me...
Twelve plays lightning
Eleven playwrights speeding
Ten dreams auditioning
Nine cigarettes acting
Eight thunderstorms a-driving
Seven crushes a-painting
Six margaritas a-directing
Five be-e-e-en folds
Four vanilla lattes
Three coffee grounds
Two garden gnomes
...and an insomnia in an astronomy.
|Saturday, September 9th, 2006|
God, I need new music now!!!! I'm ravenous and restless. And sadly, I am also broke. Fuck money.
|Wednesday, August 9th, 2006|
|Ain't no livin' like country livin'!
Well, I think my mother has outdone herself this time, folks. She just made me the best fried green tomatoes I have ever had. She is the best, and I am her spoiled-rotten baby girl.
Last night I drove to Bloomington at two in the morning, just to go deposit money into my bank account. Sadly, the nearest branch of my bank is located in Bloomington, so I took a nice, scenic drive in the dead of night to get there. On the way I passed the Owen-Putnam Woods. I have heard so many ghost stories about those woods when I was younger, thanks to me treating Hoosier Folklore like a Bible when I was in fourth grade. I came very close to veering off my charted course to go and patrol those woods, but thought better not to because I was getting a very eerie feeling from them and was alone. I really want to go again though. See if I can't come across the ghost of the decapitated mother who wears her daughter's head and warns off teenagers from getting home late. Yes, tracking her down sounds very appealing. I've been wanting to go stand in graveyards in the dead of night lately. I don't know what is up with me.
I also watched three programs last night, back-to-back, on Marilyn Monroe's life, death, the conspiracy theories surrounding her suicide, and psychics trying to contact her. It was all fascintaing. I don't understand how she has been able to captivate so many for so long, but I am glad for it. She was truly a beautiful, fucked-up creature. Probably why I am so incredibly mesmerized and inspired by her in the first place.
I really like the end results of my haircut. It is a pretty big change, but I needed it. Funny how something so simple can alter you in so many ways.
|Thursday, May 25th, 2006|
It's really not all that important.
Mr. Michael Hart: I WILL be attending your graduation party this weekend. Which means that the whole family is gonna freakout and bitch when they see my hair. Good times, good times. That's right, I've done something to it.
To the General Public: This means that I will be in West Terre Haute for the weekend, though I doubt any of you from "home" really care that I will be home. Just thought I would share.
And in other news:
I think that the Tomcat mousetrap is probably the most inhumane thing I have ever witnessed. If you don't know what it is, let me indulge you. A Tomcat mousetrap is a thin piece of plastic in the shape of a rectangle no bigger than 4" long. The surface portion is coated in an incredibly sticky substance that has been specially designed to stick to mice paws. When a rodent runs across the surface of this contraption, it immediately sticks to it, and the rodent can then not move or free itself. It's stuck there until it dies. And the more the rodent struggles, the more it sticks to the trap. I guess my house is full of mice, so my stepfather decided to get these kinds of traps instead of the good, old-fashioned ones that usually kill instantly. He set them all throughout the house after I moved in. Well, it had been a week and a half, and I hadn't seen any mice in these traps, so I thought that perhaps the mice were gone and I had nothing to worry about. WRONG! Last night as I am cooking dinner, I get the bright idea to check the trap next to the stove. To my horror, a mouse had been caught. It was so sad. The poor thing winced in pain because it was in a horrible position and it was terrified. I didn't know what to do. I can't kill it myself because I just can't bring myself to do it. I refused to throw it in the trash because it was still alive. So, my resolution was to just leave it where it is and let it die in some type of peace and isolation. I can't free the poor thing because it is stuck too much to the trap and they aren't designed to free mice. So, I actually dreamed about the mouse all night. When I awoke this morning I prayed that it was dead, but to no avail it was still breathing and just as terrified as ever. I moved it to a stair in the basement where I can't see it because everytime I would go in the kitchen I would just stare at it in pity. I feel like an awful person, and it is all because of a mouse. Seriously, these are the most inhumane things I have ever seen to kill mice with. They torture the mice. They either die by starvation, by chewing off their paws, or struggling so much against the trap that they break something. I think I just convinced myself to rid the entire house of these traps.
So yeah, there is my drama. I know, big deal.
I watched Secretary last night. It's a damn good movie. A little feel-good at the end, but oh well.
And I am so happy that Keve is moving in this weekend. It will be nice to have someone else in the house. The house is actually coming together now because I have been organizing it hardcore for the last two days.
Home this weekend! And now, time to finish my resume.
|Friday, April 14th, 2006|
Well, I am a comin' home for Easter this weekend. I'll be in the Haute tomorrow morning until Sunday. Sounds good.
|Wednesday, March 29th, 2006|
|"All I wanted was you. Fire eye'd boy giv'em all the slip..."
Okay, so the general announcement is this:
All those interested in seeing my next show, "Thyestes, Or Whatever Happened to Emily Dickinson?" the information is as follows-
April 7th and 8th at 8 p.m.
Butler Univeristy/ Theatre Lab in Lilly Hall, Room 328
I must WARN everyone that this is going to be a very experimental and intense show. The meaning will be very ambiguous and there is very limited seating with the audience. Only between 50 and 60 people will be allowed in to the theatre because there are about 22 performers in the piece and we will be using as much of the space as possible. So, if you want to comeyou need to get here early and I need to know as soon in advance as possible so I can reserve seating. We are also having two dress rehearsals on Wednesday and Thursday at 8 p.m. as well. So, come out if you would like.
In other news, I am doing very well. Fairly tired, but I am enjoying every moment of rehearsals and I am going to be very sad when this show ends, for more reasons than one. No massive problems to report on. I'm still completely infatuated (sadly) with a certain someone and completely confused by what is taking place, but it's all good. I am enjoying the chase quite a bit and I am fairly content, although I am prone to moments of extreme frustration when it comes to him. But, my family is well, my friends are well, and I am still breathing.
|Wednesday, March 15th, 2006|
Question, has anyone else's layout changed on their journal by itself? For some reason, mine did!!!!
Well, I'm a platinum blonde now, thanks to "Thyestes". I can't decide if I like the color or not, but I know it will grow on me. I'll make it my own.
Love to all...
|Thursday, February 23rd, 2006|
|"Find out how much Love the world can hold..."
I quite often forget that there are also others in this world that are having quite a struggle with this business of love, just like myself. Their issues may be like mine (rather small in comparison to the real problems of the world), or much larger, and this idea humbles me. Who am I to complain? I find a strange comfort in the fact that I am not the only one who seems to be lost.
We all seem to have that one person that, at one point in time, we loved rather dearly, who made a lasting impression on our lives in profound and extreme ways, who stretched and changed us into different people, and then somehow lost. We all have that one person that we put on a pedestal. And then, somehow we find the way to move on, to move forward, although that person's imprint shall always be left upon us.
It is truly amazing to see how similar we all can be from time to time in this world of great diversity. We all experience the basic, no matter how extraordinary that basic may be. I find it truly fascinating.
Sometimes, I am very grateful for small, Livejournal discoveries.
|Friday, February 17th, 2006|
I just realized that it is definitely a very good thing that I am single right now. A very good thing indeed.
|Tuesday, February 14th, 2006|
|"I reach out from the inside..."
Why in the fuck do I have, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel stuck on repeat at the moment? Oh yeah, because I strangely love this song.
God, life is insane at the moment. I've been sleeping about three hours a night. If I'm lucky, I get five. It was good to get out this morning, but now I don't want to go to class. Ugh-oh! But yeah, things are definitely crazy.
We open in less than a week and a half. "The Tamer Tamed" opens in less than a week and a half!!!! I'm getting anxious about it. I've waited a long time to be in a mainstage. Now I'm about to make my debut. It's crazy. It just feels surreal.
Everything is going very well right now. I am fairly content. I mean, in every way but two, but one I am currently working on, and the other I cannot control. Yeah, I'm still pretty infatuated, but I feel splendid and I am truly enjoying these feelings. It's been awhile since I was excited about a member of the opposite sex. Just grand. All it takes is a thought or the sight of his face. It isn't going to go anywhere, I know that. But, I can play pretend, can't I? I just don't know...
Oh good, I just switched to "Gold Lion" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I love it.
Ok, back to bed for a spell...
|Saturday, January 28th, 2006|
My Livejournal isn't working properly, and that pisses me off. So, if you want to read my journal and are friended, you will probably have to go to my journal to read my "Friends-Only" entries. I don't think you can access my "Friends-Only" entries from your friend's pages. Suckitude...
|Monday, January 16th, 2006|
|Monday, January 9th, 2006|
|Ah ha ha, Motherfuckers!!!!!!
Most of you are back at school, and I still have a whole damn week off! The benefits of going to a private school and being able to schedule breaks whenever and the hell we want. I must enjoy this last week of freedom, because that is seriously what it will be.
An actual "serious" post will be posted in about 10 minutes.
Enjoy your lives. Peace out.
|Sunday, October 9th, 2005|
|"If you follow every dream, you might get lost..."
On the eve of my 21st birthday, I have come to a thousand conclusions in a matter of moments. Let's just say, I will be starting off my 21st year of existence with a clean slate, and what a slate it is. I have done a lot of personal forgiving-myself, certain people, certain situations and events. The forgiving was all internally. It's rather lovely. Completely clean.
I have decided to make a post that was open to everyone. No more hiding from people, no more protecting myself and my life. No more secrets. I'm done with trying to be someone that I am not. I'm finished with keeping my problems a secret from others because I wanted my life to seem problem-free. Everyone has their own set of problems no matter how large or small. It is all a part of living, and I am doing just that...living.
This mini-break has been very good for me. I have peace of mind for the first time in quite awhile. I needed away from Indianapolis. Strange that a place which represents all of your freedom and dreams can be a sort of mini-prison at times. It is also ironic that West Terre Haute, a place that once stood for everything I extremely disliked, a place where the ghosts of my past haunted the roads, has now become my own hideaway. I have had time to think and reflect. It's amazing what a break from communication and technology can do for a person. It has this strange simplifying effect. What is even more hysterical (or very pathetic, depending on what angle you look at it from), was that while I was away, I kept thinking about the Livejournal posts that I wanted to make. I mentally wrote my own on the way to West Terre Haute, Wednesday afternoon. I was getting such inspiration, but none of that seems to matter now. I'm just glad that I got to see random people (you know who you are), and spend the time that I did with my family, friends, and myself.
So, I am now ready to return to Indy until my next decided break. I'm not worried about my "love-life", I have released the hold I felt I needed to have over it. I just want to let things be whatever they want and need to be. I can't keep exerting energy into something that I know I have no control over. The battle doesn't really seem to matter anymore.
This next week is going to be insane. Especially tomorrow. I'm always so vocal in wanting to celebrate MY birthday, but this year I just don't care, which is ironic. My 21st birthday (which is supposed to be SUCH a pivotal event in my life), really doesn't seem that important afterall. I just want to be content and free.
All in all, I have decided (more come to the conclusion or epiphany) that the past doesn't matter anymore. I have finally "set it free" in all complete honesty.
So, in my 21st year, I have a completely clean slate. I think it is the best birthday present that I could ever give myself, even if it was by complete accident.
|Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005|
|My Contact Info (For those interested)
630 W. Hampton Dr.
I vant zeee mail!
P.S.-I don't have a computer at the moment, so I won't be on AIM until sometime next week.
|Tuesday, August 16th, 2005|
|Silly things I like to do when on vacay...
|How You Life Your Life|
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.
Very, very true, all of it.
|Saturday, August 13th, 2005|
So, there are these two lovely CDs that I have been craving for the past two weeks. I wish that Santa Clause would appear right now and hand them to me. What two CDs am I talking about?:
1. The Arcade Fire- Funeral
2. My Bloody Valentine- Loveless
Oh damn you, money. I have just enough to get me happily by, but not enough to purchase these two CDs instantly.
Santa, can you hear me?
P.S.-This weather is a trickster bitch. It has caught me, two days in a row, offguard.
It is lovely being home. The 19th will come too soon, when I am to be whisked away back to Indy.